


tactic

by TheQueenInTheNorth



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Undercover as Married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9714104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueenInTheNorth/pseuds/TheQueenInTheNorth
Summary: May and Coulson are on an undercover mission. The kids are watching over them.





	

"Why does it always have to be us,"May muttered as she took Coulson's proffered arm and let him lead her into the hotel.

"Because you guys are the best,"Daisy chirped into her earpiece. May fought the urge to roll her eyes as she answered under her breath,"Also, because it's too dangerous for FitzSimmons, and you and Mack can't act like a couple if your lives depend on it."

"Hey! Very true but hey!"Fitz exclaimed at the same time as Mack said,"It just feels incesty. Like, really, really incesty."

"Not a word,"Daisy pointed out, though she very much agreed with the sentiment."Plus, we're too young to realistically have the kind of money a place like this costs."

"So now we're old, too?" Daisy was glad she knew May well enough to hear the teasing under the icy tone or she might've been scared.

They watched over the hotel's hacked security feed as May and Coulson walked up to the reception, Coulson whispering something too quietly for even their equipment to pick up, and May laughing in return.

"Thomas and Lorelai Walker,"Coulson told the receptionist, producing their fake IDs.

* * *

 "Dammit!" Daisy switched from one camera to the next."Guys, we miscalculated. You're not getting out of that corridor without being noticed. And one of them is almost at your location."

"Now what?"Simmons frowned at the screen."They don't have the intel yet. And they can't attack that guy without blowing their cover. Talk their way out of it?"

"There's no reason for them to be in that part of the building,"Fitz said, pulling up the hotel's blueprints."He's almost at the corner. Will have visual on May and Coulson in five - four -"

May shrugged, muttered something that sounded distinctly like, _just like Budapest all over again,_ and pulled Coulson down into a heated kiss.

Simmons let out a low whistle."What on earth happened in Budapest?"

The goon rounded the corner, looked at the couple - May now pinned against the wall, Coulson's hands places that Daisy vehemently ignored - grinned, and lifted a hand to his earpiece to contact someone. After a brief discussion he pulled a face and walked over to May and Coulson.

He cleared his throat twice before they reacted, faces flushed and chests heaving.

"You're not supposed to be here,"he said gruffily. Coulson bristled. Or Thomas Walker did, anyway."We are guest here and have every right -"

"Honey,"May - Lorelai - interrupted gently, a simpering smile at the guard May wouldn't be caught with dead."He's just doing his job." She giggled, smoothing out her skirt."Our youngest just went off to college. First kids free time in ages, you understand? We're feeling a bit mischievous." Another giggle."And the breakfast mojitos are doing their bit."

"I didn't know May could even giggle,"Mack told the room at large.

* * *

"He's getting suspicious,"May said, indicating the guard posing as a waiter with the slightest incline of her head. Coulson glanced at him over his wine list."Same guy from the last two places. She stopped switching guards."

"So she knows someone's shadowing her,"May mused."Or suspects, anyway. Time to pull out the big guns."

"I suppose you're right." Coulson slid closer to her side of the booth, tangling one hand in May's hair and nipping at her earlobe. She made a half-surpressed sound that had the next four tables throwing them looks.

"What the fuck,"Daisy said simply. Mack chortled."Inappropriate for an upscale place like that. Bound to make people look. Nothing makes you more inconspicuous than drawing a shitload of attention. Well-known tactic."

"Tactic?"Daisy gave him an unconvinced frown."Looks like making out to me."

* * *

 "See, _that_ 's how you fake-kiss on a mission,"Fitz remarked. Daisy raised an eyebrow at him."Did you want me kissing you like that?"

He pulled a face at the thought."Uhm, ew. No."

"That's what I thought." She lightly kicked him in the shin."Coulda done without the 'ew', you know."

"I'm just saying,"Fitz pointed at the screen,"That's dedication."

Elena leaned closer to the screen." _That_ 's going on a bit longer than entirely necessary."

"Don't be weird,"Daisy said, wrinkling her nose. Though they could've technically absolutely stopped kissing about ten seconds ago. Best not to dwell on that."They don't have the visual we do." They had the comms, of course, but telling them to stop kissing felt about as weird as seeing it happen."Can't see it worked already."

"They would if they unglued themselves for a second,"Elena pointed out."Anyway, I'm off before they get freaky right in that restaurant."

"Very funny,"Daisy deadpanned. God, she hoped she was joking.

* * *

 They heard the door slamming shut and then something crashing against it with a thud, followed by a stifled moan.

"Fight?"Daisy suggested to general agreement, as Fitz already tried to conntact the two agents to no avail."I think their comms are off."

"What the hell?"Simmons said."Daisy, can we get a visual?"

She nodded, already pulling up the right tabs on her laptop."Just gimme a second."

"Wait,"Mack said."Don't." Another moan made it's way through the speakers."That's May."

"So?" Fitz frowned at him."What's that got to do with anything? We still need to know what the hell is going on over there."

Mack looked painfully uncomfortable."Does she sound like she's in pain to you?"

They sat there in silence, staring at one another, until finally, Daisy spoke up."No. Not at all."

* * *

They'd turned the volume down as far as they dared, still afraid they might miss some sort of communication. Obviously May and Coulson thought their cover might have been compromised or their room bugged if they put on that much of a show.

It was still gross, though, Daisy thought. Like walking in on your parents making out. Well, like she figured that was like, anyway.

"Okay, I'm leaving, I don't wanna hear this,"Mack said, shuddering as he got up. Simmons rolled her eyes."It's not real. You know that."

"Still pretty disgusting,"Fitz mumbled under his breath. No one disagreed. He turned the volume slightly lower at an especially disturbing groan.

They tried to distract themselves by fiddling with their various projects, and it was sort of working. Daisy could even go for as much as five seconds at a time without thinking, _Ew, that's May and Coulson_. And then forcefully reminding herself that no, those were Lorelai and Thomas, no need to be icked out.

"I just wish they'd stop dragging this out,"Simmons said after a while, glancing up from her project and then to the door."You know, I think I need some more -"

"You're not going anywhere and leaving us to this nightmare,"Daisy cut her off. Simmons sank back into her chair, already halfway up."Fine, it's just -"

All three of them froze in horror, turning to stare at the speaker.

Fitz was the first to regain some sort of composure. Enough to ask what they were all thinking, anyway."Did he just call her Melinda?"

"I think he did,"Simmons choked out. Daisy clamped a hand over her mouth, retching.

Fitz swallowed hard, decidedly green in the face."Did they forget we have audio?"

"I think they did,"Simmons repeated, and Fitz shut down the programme, jumping back from the computer as if it might attack.

Daisy got to her feet, stumbling towards the door.

"Where are you going?"Fitz asked. She didn't turn around, simply shrugged and kept moving."To throw up. Or drink bleach. Or plug myself into  T.A.H.I.T.I. Haven't quite decided yet."

FitzSimmons shared a look before they both sprang to their feet at the same time."I'm coming with!"


End file.
